Lord, it’s me again, I’m confused and scared and maybe a little (a lot) fearful of the plans that you have for me. Father I know this is stupid and I know you say in your Word not worry about the things of tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own, but I am for real freaking out. I am fearful because of my family situation, my mom has really done it this time this whole moving back to PA thing is pretty much the most selfish thing she could do. Not just because she is going to miss an important day for me, college graduation is a BIG deal, but for the last 5 year she has done nothing to help Kim out rather let her do whatever she wanted to do and now because she feels like it’s her chance to move on she is just going to dump her on the street without a car, a job or a way to take care of herself. Lord I don’t blame all of these things on her, but for real what the crap. Father I know you gave me this life for a reason and I’m thankful for it most days. Lord you have blessed me with some much, a place to live even if it isn’t always awesome, clean, the right temperature, smelling great or other small problems. It is a place to lay my head at night; most of the time I have something to eat there and other luxuries that I do not need nor deserve to have but you have given them to me. You gave friends that have my back even though most days I am afraid to tell them the truth. I wait for them to fail me because I am afraid for them to get to close, to see the hurt that I feel and the abandonment issues. I don’t understand love and I am hurting and tough I am working on it some days I throw the towel in and don’t battle at all. You gave me 2 families apart from my crap of a family to love and care about me. They open their houses to me, pray for me, and treat me as their own blood. At times I abuse them and deny them because I afraid to get comfortable with them because I may wake up one day and things not be the same as the day before. I have been blessed with an education that is far more money than I ever had and finally I get to walk across that stage and smile knowing by the grace of you Lord I have overcome failure in the educational realm and may just make it through to get a masters or even a Doctorate. But right now currently Lord I am struggling and I am scared that everything will change and I will be in the wilderness all alone. What if people forget who I am, what if I don’t get into seminary, what if I hate it in GA, what if a day after I get to GA my sister is out on the street, I know you have a plan for me but today my mind is all over the plan and I am at a place I feel sick. I have had headache after headache and a few panic attacks here and there and at this point all I can do is scream HELP ME LORD! Help my family, revel to me a plan or a lease the next step I am searching for you hand O’ God, but I cannot find it in the fog. Have mercy on a child that does not know how to let go and let God, who’s stress level is at the top and is a wicks end. Mold my heart, clean my mind and let me walk in your footsteps so I will not but will stand straight. I do not fear that you are not there, I just feel like today, right now I cannot hear your voice and feel your love like I want to. Give me a passion to seek you with all of my heart and blow this fog away. Father I thank you for the many blessing and just cry out for your favor and direction!
It’s in your Holy and Righteous Name
AMEN!
I hope this prayer help someone and may give insight to my struggle.
Jeremiah 29:11
This is great opportunity for you in Georgia and if don't get into THAT seminary there are many more :) Just continue to pray for your family and be the light and example that they need to see. All of your friends are very proud of you for your accomplishments. Love you :)
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